How about trying on the Mint Credit Card, I say.
Will it cure my crippling Halitosis, you ask?
Heck no! But this card does offer you 0% on all purchases until January of 2008, 0% on a credit card balance transfer until August 2008 and 0% on balances transferred during October 2008. Up to 7,500 Euro balance. OK, it is from the bank of Scotland, but it's accepted anywhere that takes Mastercard.
The Mint offers online fraud protection, no annual fee, worldwide acceptance, and cool stuff like free and discounted travel deals. There's even a Wine Club, and if you take advantage of it you can have sweet wine sent to you from around the world. That means you'll be getting booze sent to your doorstep. You'll be getting drunk on a global level!
Since I don't know anything about credit checks in foreign countries, you may be eligible even if your number is in the fire engine red zone. You can apply online! Alls you need is your bank account and income information! Give it a go!
I'm always like "I think I'm gonna die." "Did I eat it or rub it on my face?" "My back hurts."
You rarely see the Hot Pocket on a menu when you go out to dinner.
WAITER: For our specials we have a Sea Bass, which is broiled, and we have a Hot Pocket which is cooked in a dirty microwave and it comes with a side of Pepto.
JIM:Is your Hot Pocket cold in the middle?
WAITER: Frozen, but it can be served boiling lava hot.
JIM: Will it burn my mouth?
WAITER: It'll destroy your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month.
There's a vegetarian Hot Pocket, for those of us who don't want to eat meat but would still like diarrhea.
Recently they introduced the 'Breakfast Hot Pocket'. It should be called 'Good morning! You're about to call in sick!'
So now you can have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead for dinner.
That must've been some weird marketing meeting down in France.
FRENCH GUY #1: How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we can sell those idiots water.
FRENCH GUY#2: Now, I know the Americans are pretty dumb, but they're not gonna buy water.
FRENCH GUY#1: (Laughs maniacally) Oh, yes they are! Let's just tell the Americans the water's from France.
GUY: What is Nachos?
JIM: It's a tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Oh. Well, what is a burrito?
JIM: It's a tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Then what's a Tostata?
JIM: Tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Then what's--
JIM: Look! It's all the same! Why don't you just say a Spanish word and I'll bring you something!
Mexican food is great but it's almost like a conspiracy. It's like they had a meeting 200 years ago in Mexico City:
"Hey, look, the reason why I got everyone here is pretty simple. I figured we could rename this entree 7 times and sell it to the North Americans. The French said it would be a good idea."
"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die."—speaking with reporters on facing the challenges of war, Washington, D.C., Dec. 7, 2006
"One has a stronger hand when there's more people playing your same cards."—Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."—Interview with CBS News, Washington D.C., Sept. 6, 2006
"I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to announce its desire to destroy Israel."—Washington, D.C., May 4, 2006
"You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you're gone."—Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006
"I read the newspaper."—In answer to a question about his reading habits, New Hampshire Republican Debate, Dec. 2, 1999
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
I'm going to meet with a couple of girls in Charlestown about a room on Wednesday, assuming they don't rent the room out before I even have the chance. If it's a match and I like the place, they are *likely* willing to let me move there in July. If I found a job temporarily and paid my rent up to date when I leave, I would get my security deposit back and could use it to pay them my first months rent.
Charlestown is a beautiful city on the other side of the Boston harbor. There is a T-stop there, and mass transit available. I could work in Boston, and live there for awhile. They seem like really nice girls, but I shall see the whole picture when I meet them.
It could still work out with Heidi, but it's looking like I might not be able to rely on her. She's incredibly hesitant about the move and unmotivated with filling out the housing applications. She did say that if she was able to get housing in Lowell, she would be 100% about the move... I'm not sure that is true. The guy thing still weighs very heavily on her head.
Anyways, there is a definite plan B. Now I've got to find this temporary job to get me up to date. I'm going to rent assistance for help tomorrow.... wish me luck....
But then she hit me with the fact that she had just gotten off of the phone with her father, who asked her to move to Lowell. She hadn't considered it before, but life hasn't been easy on her lately. The job market stinks for her, she's also looking at eviction and equally tired with Manch-antics. We're practically twins in Manchester suckage.
She said that she'd seriously consider moving to Lowell with me. I'd have a friend! Lowell has a train that goes into Boston everyday, and it's own plethera of jobs. My george, it could work! It could really work.
Heidi will be a tough cookie to push in the right direction because of the very bastardly man that has a hold over her... but if she does decide to move with me, it could be the best thing that ever happened to both of us. I could live with her and help her out until she found a good daycare arrangement and I found a kick-ass job. We could be eachothers network.
I'm at a crossroads in my life. I can continue with my current situation and do what I can to stay afloat, or I can take the road less traveled. I think it's time to make a change for the better, because the life I'm living seems to have found its limit.
My friend Jackie is pregnant and she needs to find an inexpensive apartment that suits her needs. My place couldn't be more perfect for her and I think I could move her in pretty quickly. It would lift that huge responsibility off of my chest and allow me to figure out where I'd rather be.
I'd rather be where there are more jobs, more opportunities and more everything. I've had a love affair with Boston since before the first time I ever stepped foot in it. I think that I could be happy there, that I could start a life. If I could find the kind of job I'm looking for and eventually my own apartment, school could even follow.
What is the difference between there and here? I don't know anybody in Boston, but I'm sure I could find friends. Boston has a ridiculously huge network of roommate connections, if I got a job and moved into an apartment with someone likeminded... it could work. It's a start.
I'm looking for a job and at possible roomies... there are a lot of possibilities. It would be a huge change, but something I need to do. The thought of waking up everyday in that city excites me. I could take art classes at the Massachussetts Institute of Art... become a Docent for the Museum of Fine Art... get a decent call center job... find a niche of people who suit me...
What do I have if I stay in Manchester? There are virtually no decent careers that will have me, the people I've maintained friendships with are few and far between, and I've become exhausted with it.
My theme song will be Boston, by Augustana. The second I heard it, I cried, because it's exactly how I've felt for years.
It defines "urban words", basically city slang, for those of the non-hip Caucasian persuation, like myself. I freaking LOVE it!
Here are my favorite definitions thus far. I'm going to start intergrating these words into conversation. Fo sho.
COUCHING DISTANCE: The distance one can reach without leaving the couch or sofa.
That job is too far; it's not within couching distance.
5 SECOND RULE: An unwritten law dictating that if a food or other consumable item is dropped onto the floor, it may be picked up and eaten within five seconds. The reasoning behind this is that dirt and germs take six seconds to transfer from one surface to another.
"Oops, dropped my popsicle. Five second rule!"
(Procees to pick up dirty-ass rocket pop and suck the lint off of it)
FLAGAPHILE: One who is so patriotic that they would gladly mate with the American flag.
Stephen Colbert is a flagaphile.
HATERTOTS: Like Haterade, the figurative snack you consume when you're hating on someone.
"Man, you need to cut down on all those Hatertots you've been eating."
MEXICAN AVALANCHE: To ejaculate in a woman's hair and then throw her down a flight of stairs.
"That chick took the Mexican Avalanche like a pro-skier."
HOSTAGE LUNCH: Meal purchased by the company, often pizza, and delivered for employees whose boss requires them to attend a meeting or work over their lunch hour.
"I was planning on running some errands during lunch, but the VP is keeping us in a meeting. At least he ordered us a hostage lunch."
VALENTINE'S DAY: The reason why so many people are born in November.
I'M NOT GAY SEAT: The empty seat in a movie theater that two males leave between them to show the rest of the audience that they are straight.
"I went to a movie with John and left an I'm not gay seat between us."
REBOOTY: A booty call made with an ex or renewed relationship with an ex.
After they broke up, Joe still called Kate for some rebooty on weekends.
CELEBUTARD: A famous stupid person. Typically refers to the current crop of vapid celebrities.
Celebutard Paris Hilton got the name of her own videogame wrong.
WAM: Walking around money. Monies given by a sugar daddy/momma to be spent freely.
"What? You're out of cash?! Why isn't your man giving you WAM? My man gives me WAM all the time because he knows he won't get booty otherwise."
Apparently Autodesk is a major designer of software, quite possibly the major designer of software on the market. The Manchvegas office designs products that assist architechts. The office in Montreal is the most notable because they're the makers of CGI software, used by all of the big guys... such as Disney and Pixar, the 'Spiderman' and 'King Kong' movies, and all types of television commercials.
Before I came to replace an employee, I was not aware of this. I thought that Autodesk was some kind of technical support type place, somehow IT related, because every job I have seen posted was along those lines.
My point to this whole shpeal is to outline the type of company I'm in before I hit you with the big stuff.
The employees here bring their dogs to work. You heard me right. DOGS.
I've seen a black labrador, the sassy little dude from 'Men in Black', a fluffy golden retriever pup, a hotdog dog, and the ugliest poodle on planet Earth. All chillaxin around their owners cubicle.
The funny thing is that I have not yet heard a yelp, snarl or bark from any of the dogs. Not one. I don't know if all the employees have Stepford-ed their pets, but it's starting to freak me out.
Not only that, but I opened the refrigerator in my department to find it fully stocked with beer. All kindsa beer. I must've opened and closed the doors a hundred times, only to come back to Heinies and Buds. Where am I, in Amsterdam? What's next, are they going to start passing around some Mary J?
I'd like to stick around and find out. It doesn't seem that implausible at this point.
I'm not saying I want to work here because of such reasons... I don't actually own a dog and I don't know how well I'd deal with customers whilst boozed up. But, if the company rocks this much on the surface, it's got to be even better on the gooey inside.
You are feeling veeewy sleepy.
It's okay. I'm a licensed hypnotist. Go with it.
Laurie from that place in Colorodo. Colorodo Laurie.
Get fit dude. Wow, look. Pecks.
Ooo. Pretty Blog. Marvelous Things.
He's from South Africa, like the Dave. Sweet.
Hm. Job Search Advisor. We really need to chat.
I'm formally tagging 5 people that have recently read my blog. There you are, I see you. You're there, just to the right of me.
Here are the rules.
1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the state and country you're in.
2. List our your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).
3. Tag 5 other peole (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they've been tagged.
Oh, okay. Quit your crying, and quit playing dead, I'll do it. But only because you're a little bit "slow" and I'm alot bored.
I reside in the New England city of Manchvegas, Cow Hampshire, built on the slave labor of textile mills and a large, smelly river. It has an estimated of population of 107,006.
That's way too many people who give their city a nickname in which it has absolutely nothing in common with.
I mean, where are the big glowing lights that state XXX NEKKID BUNS and GET MARRIED IN 60 SECONDS OR LESS OR IT'S FREE?? Where are the endless strips of casinos and hookers? Where THE HELL is the cast of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation?
I don't see it, do you?!
This person tagged me. Here goes.
My Top 5 Places To Eat Are...
1. THE BK LOUNGE. Eggnormous, Meatnormous, cheeesenormous.
It's all about the advertising for Katie. Remember the "Wake Up With The King"commercials? They still reside in my head as possibly the most horrifying and hilarious ads of my time. And it brings me back each and every time.
I'll introduce you to a couple of them, because if you don't know, you should.
And, finally, for your added enjoyment, Dane Cook's BK joke.
Click Play to Begin
More Funny Videos
This is a place stacked high with Chinese and Polynesian food. But I love it intensely for two reasons and two reasons only. Memories of the G-Fruit and... this...
3. PAPA JOHNS.
Why? Because I never even have to leave my computer to eat there. That's right, internet ordering. No haggling with the pizza whore on the other end of the phone line, who wants you to buy 6 large pies with a side of chicken sticks smothered in garlic and cheese. As appetising as that sounds, I'd rather not die of a heart attack tomorrow. Give me another 10 or 15, please.
4. The Chinese Food Restaurant in the mall.
That is it's actual name, registered with the Better Business Beareau, as far as I'm concerned. Their General Gau's chicken is the best on the planet, and the free samples are by far... awesome. I know I share this with Sour, but she's spent far too much time with me in our school skipping days at the Mall of NH to not expect this to be on my list. By the way, if there was a top 6, there would be another Chinese food restaurant listed. I have issues.
5. The Dog Bowl.
To my defense, it tasted amazing at the time. Really.
It was just like Dinte Moore beef stew.
I'm getting paid to talk about the website that pays me to talk about stuff. Pretty soon I'll find myself in a parallel universe, where there are bars named Cheers on every corner, yet NOBODY in it knows your name. Freaky.
Why do I love Payperpost so much, you ask? It's an equation that I can really grasp.
KATIE + WORDS FROM KATIE = MONEY FOR KATIE
It's a little thing called blog advertising... I review websites and give them some needed word-of-mouth advertisement, with my own little spin. I encourage all my blogger friends to hop on the PPP train, because I swear to you that it's really easy and pays FOR REALS. Trust me, I wouldn't be doing it if the wasn't actual dollar signs involved.
I've only been posting for about a month and a half, and I've been paid $52.52 and will be paid $41.01 within the next month. Cha-ching!
I have found a solution to my problem: Bid4prizes.com. Instead of bidding up, you bid down. The lowest bid wins the prize, but it must be a bid that nobody else has made. Theoretically, somebody could win a prize for one penny, but I'm sure a lot of people bid for that amount. So it wouldn't be unique, which means you won't win. So don't bid for a penny.
I'm a freak for sweet electronics with *I* as a prefix. Ipod, Imac, Ibook, Itunes... etc... and Bid4prizes has the Iphone - with a 6 month service plan! The Iphone is basically like a Blackberry, but much hotter. It's a mini computer and phone. Get your email, play awesome games, no buttons whatsoever... like a PDA, you just touch it.
Pretty soon we'll have phones that hook into brainwaves and dial on thought command. They shall call it Ithought. And I shall call it Irockin'.
The best part about Bid4prizes it that no matter what you bid, you don't have to pay for it. You just have to place the bid. Then you win it, no shipping no nothing. That's crazy awesome. You have 20 a day, so go get your bid on.
She looked at me. I looked at her. She had an idea, and it struck her like a match hitting gasoline.
Umn, okay. It was an idea, but I wasn't feeling very bouncy. I didn't bite until she suggested 'THE UPTOWN', one of the seediest bars in Manchvegas. I thought, what the hell. It was interesting enough to chill at a dive bar with the aunt. Maybe I'd get into one of the infamous cat fights and get kicked out with a blood alcohol level of .1000. It could happen, right?
We skiddadled to 'THE UPTOWN' in a rather tiresome fashion. Sipped on Coronas. Got bumped into by men who looked to have just arrived in the country and found the first place that would let them in. Held our skulls with the pain caused by cheap woofers. Watched dirty drunken gals waddle around on a dirty floor, attempting a thing that some may loosely term dancing. It was nearly as boring as sitting in front the boob tube, but with beer.
I spotted a boy near me who looked curiously familiar.
I played the "ABCEFG who the hell are you to me?" game in my head, until he said a little hello.... it hit me. He was a boy at West High School that I had thought of as vile. He irked me to the point that I would do and say mean things just to keep him from hanging out at my lunch table. There was something about the way he spoke, dressed and acted that got under my skin.
Yet, something in the boy standing in front of me, chatting me up, had changed. He was hot. Not just attractive, but sure of himself. Like he had grown a shiny new set of balls. He'd gone into the military and had come out a man, a man that seemed genuinely interested in me.
My aunt came along, decidedly annoyed with the club, and dragged me home. I remember that as I was leaving, I felt like I was walking away from something interesting. I regretted not swapping numbers with him. It took a couple months, but I tracked down his Myspace and left a message. And, now, nearly a year later, we've made plans to meet up.
I'm nervous about it because it has been so long, and I don't know if what I saw will still be there. I suppose I'm nervous for a million different reasons, but I have to get over it.
I thought I should tell you about this, because you are my nearest and dearest friend. Nobody in the real world listens to me like you do. Thank you for being so understanding, dear fake people.
appropriate to share it with you. Enjoy.
*UPDATE* I started talking to him, and it turns out that he has a girl friend. Yes, just my luck. I know. The guy from the restaurant hasn't called with plans, and I must wait a week to call him back for the sake of not seeming pushy. My love life has all but dissipated.... pathetically. Please, somebody give me a hug.