2.04.2005

Requesting some enlightenment....

I'm at sort of a queer place in my life right now. I'm hanging in some in between-ness that I can't escape. Of course, the temporary vocation of Wendy's has quite a bit to do with it.

Also, the state of my ghetto-ish little apartment.

My typewriter is on the works and that leaves me with the interesting prospect of writing.

However, I seem to be short of originality.

I'm as single as I've ever been and feeling it deeply. Sometimes it's as if I were an old spinster- past the hope of finding someone, past the desire. Other times, I feel desperate and willing to accept my fate of eventually settling with some guy that I'm not head-over-heels for.

But, who really knows?

Ben is a huge disappointment; he never falters to make me feel less than worthy, even if he doesn’t mean to. I get the funny feeling that he is either dating or interested in someone- a rather simple explanation for his distance, an explanation that makes me expectedly sad.

Why is it that I fall for the type that isn't going to fall for me, and the type that falls for me isn't the type I'm going to fall for? It's this dizzying loop.

I'm not so much wallowing in the badness of my life as much as expressing it to this sort of journal thing.

I'm relatively content in everything but my job...