Out of the doubt that fills my mind...

I've been feeling incredibly unhealthy. I'm uncomfortable and very unhappy with my expanding jeans. I know I don't eat in excess, but what I'm eating is obviously not benefiting me.

I would never go on a diet for appearances sake because the rest of the world doesn't motivate me to follow through with an entire lifestyle change. I'm doing this because I don't feel good inside or out.

I had done Atkins a couple years ago and lost a ton of weight on it, but it didn't work out long term. It's good for a few months to kick my body into Ketosis, where the body burns only fat instead of sugar and carbohydrates. The problem with Atkins is that you can't fall off the wagon even a little, or it comes back big time. Who can eat only meat, veggies and carb controlled spacific food for more than a chunk of time? I know I can't.

The result is that I'm going on South Beach because there are alot less limitations. There is a bigger emphasis on healthier foods and very soon incorperates a moderate intake of certain sugars and grains. In reading the book, there is plenty of room for screw ups and it shouldn't be too hard to get back on the wagon should I splurge on Chinese food or alcohol or something of the like.

I might attempt to throw my body into Ketosis, but for now I'm going to ease into the South Beach diet and maybe do two weeks of Atkins when I've been working at the job I just got. The cheapest foods are full of sugar and carbohydrates, making it difficult to maintain the first strict phase with monetary limitations. If I'm starving and I need to eat something, I can't force myself to not eat anything. If I'm near a subway, I'm going to eat the low carb wrap, which is ok on even the strictest level of South Beach.

One very positive thing about the South Beach diet is that I've done some grocery shopping and tried some of the recipes. I made veggie kiesh with turkey bacon on the side, which made for a different but tasty breakfast. The next item was ricotta with vanilla extract and splenda, it said to chill it but I tried freezing it. As a result, the ricotta tasted somewhat like ice cream and was extremely filling. I'm pretty optimistic about the whole diet, even long-term. If it takes me more time to lose the weight, but I can live with the diet than I think it's totally worth it.

I've realized the bigger point of these diets is to better scrutinize what I'm eating and how much of the bad stuff I should be eating. The good thing with South Beach and Atkins, the good stuff are some of the things I love most. It's about making a healthier decision. It's only been a week, but I feel like I can do this and do it well.


The road is made for cars and sidewalks are made for people.

The above mentioned phrase was often uttered from my aunt to Danny. As I was walking home from my test, I could see the same instruction in the eyes of most drivers.

Let me ask you something, you bastardized forms of people behind the steering wheels of your vehicles; was I born with ice skates on the soles of my feet, unbeknownst to me?

I'll answer the question for you, since the group is so broad and the reply, oddly, may vary. No, I was born with normal feet that fit normal shoes, and therefore I cannot easily get across sidewalks covered in a foot of ice.

I may look like I can just plop onto my stomach with a little "ARP!" and slide around on my blubber, but I should also tell this crowd that I am not a seal... as cute and blubbery as I may appear.


Don't you know that when you live life then you become what you are?

I was talking to my friend, Rachel, a bus driver a little older than me with two young children. We were discussing some of our health ailments, most spacifically possible issues from our painful wisdom teeth. Somehow the conversation took an interesting turn- pregnancy.

She said that she had major complications with both children, and found out during her last pregnancy that she was allergic to the hormone produced during it. From what I've been reading, there's an influx of estrogen that occurs mostly during the first trimester. She had, in fact, explained to me that some time after the four month hurdle, she'd been physically cleared of her issues.

Her symptoms had a scary resemblence to the ones that I experienced. Rachel had unrelieved and constant naseau that made her actually lose weight, she would attempt to eat anything; a sandwich, a chicken nugget, a doughnut, and it would find it's way back up almost immediately. The world was a completely different place to both of us during that time, to the point where we were uncontrollably angry and depressed (even more so than the run-of-the-mill pregnancies), the migranes were constant and terrible and we couldn't function as human beings.

I never saw a doctor for any of these symptoms because instead of waiting it out and fighting it, I chose the route that the people in my life had thrust upon me over and over. I was sixteen, and almost all adults thought it was best for me to end the pregnancy. They didn't want to be a part of the consequences of having the child, because I wouldn't have been able to raise it alone under any circumstance. In retrospect, I had the abortion simply because I didn't want to feel the way I felt anymore. The symptoms were so horrible that I knew if I terminated it, there was a possibility for a return to normalcy.

Of course, there are consequences to all actions, and abortion for some is a means of escaping such consequences but for me it became the ultimate one. This paragraph is serving as mostly a side note, but I'm wondering if the after effects of the termination could be related. Immediately afterwards, and for the next two or so years, I sunk into terrible depression and my regret was so bad that it felt like I had personally murdered the child with my own two hands. It hadn't been about 'making a choice' more than it had been about a hugely regrettable action.

I'm past it now in a way that I can reflect on the situation without it bringing up intolerable pain like a sort of emotional acid reflux. I've been reading about other possible repricussions for this apparent allergy.

There have been some studies published about women found allergic to estrogen. The predominantly aggressive symptoms of PMS in some more than others can be linked to this study. It explains that when a woman reaches the menstrual cycle her body is sending out antibodies to fight against the extra estrogen produced. This can cause symptoms commonly found, again, in PMS, but also other symptoms in daily life that I've encountered.

Such symptoms can be found in many woman across the board, but caught my attention none the less. These were the ones that were listed that directly correlates to my own problems.

Difficulty losing weight, low carb diets were suggested as helpful, which my body took to with amazing vigor and nearly instant success. Not only was my low carb diet about the ability to lose weight, it made me feel better in ways that I hadn't anticipated.

Loss of short-term memory, a problem I have secretly and not-so-secretly fought since puberty. It's prevalent mostly in the mundane things like easily forgetting an item I had reminded myself to bring from home, to the simple inability to remember a caller's name seconds after I'd heard it.

Fatigue, this is a symptom I've found most plagued with. I'm unusually tired from the moment I wake up to the moment I find my way, oh so thankfully, to the bed late at night.

Other listed symptoms were mood swings, anxiety and panic attacks, premenstrual asthma, menstrual migrane, diminished sex drive, fibromyalgia, cystitis, and skin problems. I note that all the items can be linked to many other disorders, and seems like a horoscope that can be applied to almost any human being on the planet.

What I have to question is this; if all of these problems can be grouped together in a person, is it reasonable to consider that they might have one spacific issue or hundreds of other disorders all at once?

I am more than hesitant to set up a diagnosis for myself. There are certain tests that are done in order to give someone the diagnosis of this allergy, as expected. Since I don't have the ability to receive such tests, I cannot say with complete certainty that Katie Katsikas has this ailment, but it's given me another route to consider. I've listened with a silent but acknowledging ear to every commercial that lists all of the issues I encounter.

"Do you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?", maybe?
"Do you have problems losing weight?", yes, but I don't know if what you're saying will solve it.
"Do you have problems with memory?" definitely, but I don't think I have early onset Alsheimers, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Basically, I'd like to find a way to group all of my issues with a sound general answer, because these problems can't be helped without knowing what they are and how they relate to eachother. If I am able, in the hopefully near future, to talk to a doctor and get help, I'd like to present him or her with rational approaches to them. What I've researched thus far will be one of the suggestions that I'll be making.

Thank you for tuning in, and definitely tell me if you have anything to add...


Oh. My. Gah.

In Manchester, a man was convicted of punching a puppy in the face.

Who does that?!


Girls like guys with skills.

My last temp assignment ended and a new one begins.

I’ve been pressing labels onto multivitamins and over the counter drugs for nursing homes, and I just have to say, gawlee, it’s been a life changing experience.

Mostly, it’s been exhaustingly boring and filled with the cast and crew of Napoleon Dynamite.

Napoleon himself acts in the body and soul of one Roger, who may truly believe that women prefer exaggerations and false notions over anything else. We had worked at Sylvania together and I remember him doling out tales of fighting a group of 20 Mexicans single handedly and things of the like.

He actually had the gall to repeat that particular spin to the little group and I held in a snicker with the memory of how his stories went down at the other job. When I spoke of a co-worker, Shane, he smiled and stated that he’d liked him, yet I specifically remember that he’d picked on Roger day in & day out. I’d even argued with Shane to lay off the poor guy, even if he was poking fun nonchalantly. It’s obvious that Roger hadn’t realized that Shane couldn’t stand him, or just liked the attention that he’d given him.

We have Pedro standing in as Raphael. Instead of the quiet, humble Mexican immigrant with big dreams, Raphael is a loud, bitter and overzealous Dominican with the ability to pass out political and personal judgments in a single bound. I’m the type that can’t walk out of an argument, even if it’s with a self proclaimed communist with opinions that aren’t backed up by fact. I may have given up, however, when he tried to tell me the Evolutionism was not the same thing as Darwinism. The last time I checked, Darwin was the first and only scientist to peg the “Theory of Evolution”. I’m not saying that I buy into the theories in their entirety, but I do know the facts of the case.

The other character in the group is Chip’s internet soul mate, Lawfandah. Her name isn’t as bold, she’s probably 30 years older and not looking for a goofy white boy to transform into a goofy white boy with gold chains. But if she’s any Napoleon cast mate, that would be the one. Alberta is the New York girl with opinions that only relate to her lifestyle. I like her, despite the fact that I’m not a home slice from the big NY, she’s relatable.

To speak of the job itself would be a bore, so I’ll just leave it at what I’ve previously said. The most interesting part of the ‘assignment’ is the people, and like the movie I've referenced, they’re as educational as watching paint dry, but funny none the less.
Hey, it’s a job and it’ll do for now.


I set my standards high.

In the year 2007 I resolve to:
Eat my weight in Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Get your resolution here.