DISCLAIMER: This is a rant.

With 'Simpsons' visuals.
Like a bitter children's book!

Leaving U.S. Cellular is really a blessing in disguise. They let me go, and in the most pathetic way humanly possible.

Yet a week or so ago, one of my bosses informed me that he was going to hire me. I was flattered by the news, but not falling over myself with it. He had announced this in front of a co-worker, who didn't look enthused about the idea.

My theory? She heard what my boss said as they'll hire her and she might be yet another Sales Rep. and I'll make less money. In her infinitely selfish agenda, she began to conspire against me. Why? Because less money for her means less Coach bags and Gloria Jean iced coffees from the mall.

On Saturday, April 7th, at 10am, the more powerful of my two managers called me over to his office in a "By the way, just got a little something to say to ya!" kind of way. Winning the award for MOST NON CHALANT FIRING EVER, he stated, in strained upbeat-ish speech "Uhhh... the company decided to go with another temp agency."

"So that's it?" I asked in utter confusion. He replied with eyes glued to the carpet, that it was, in fact, it.

This is the sexier version of what I looked like.

To put it lightly, my eyes became the water faucets from hell. All of the temp jobs that let me go in the past marched through my brain at that very moment, and became one long train of emotion. And like the children-men that they were, they proceeded to weave their lie to me further.

"Our hands are tied. It was a company decision."
"We can't hire anyone right now."
"It's nothing you did. We won't give you a bad reference."

I hadn't paid one red cent on April's rent. I had my concert in two weeks. I hadn't had cable in months and my electricity was looking to be severed very shorty. It wasn't a pretty picture set in front of me.

I went home, found out that I was brewing up a case of Tonsillitis, and spent the rest of the weekend drowning in television and sleep. By Monday, I was nervous but ready to speak to Kelly and pray they had another temp job, despite my hatred for the work.

Kelly Services hadn't been given the news that I'd be let go, so they called my boss to hear what they had to say about it. My manager actually said that I'd MISUNDERSTOOD THEM and that they'd decided to go in another direction because of a PERSONALITY CONFLICT.

Everything they told me that day was a lie. What I wonder is, did they really expect me to tell Kelly Services nothing of their speech? I'm assuming they didn't care because it's one scorned temp versus the company Kelly needs as a client.

I would have had some respect for them if they had told me the truth.

In the end, I'm not going to miss haggling for them to train me, or feeling the angst of liking them but sort of not liking them. It just seems unfair that they let me go because of a supposed problem with one of the employees. I mean, that little hole of a place is just full of personality conflicts way beyond what I posed.

This could quite literally be "C's" Simpson twin. "C" s old people.

"C" has a way with people, and it isn't always a good way. She has this falsetto voice that she uses on everyone, employees and customers alike, which can make them feel like they're unbelievably stupid and have some kind of hearing impairment. This frustrates my former co-workers more so than customers, because a big chunk of the customers are stupid and deaf.

When she's supposed to be teaching, she can't help but take the wheel and drive without actually explaining what she's doing. "C" is known as the woman who single handedly pushed a co-worker to stark raving mad status- a woman named Debbie that transferred to another store with barely her limbs intact.

She's infamous as the 'sales stealer', jumping on every customer that walks through the door like a tiger to it's prey.


"K" is the biggest finger pointer on the planet, next to the 4 year old I used to babysit. And to be a finger pointer, you generally should have all your ducks in a row. But not "K". She's the kind of vapid blond who acts like all customers should come to her and kiss her feet. Whenever she's asked to help out in any way, it's like she's Atlas, holding the world on her shoulders. She has no idea what responsibility or hard work actually is, doing everything she can to escape it.

She's kind of the 'Gabrielle Solice' of that 'Wisteria Lane', with a little bit of 'Edie' mixed in.

"D" personified.

"D" might be one of the biggest complainers I've met in quite some time, next to me, of course. The most commonly uttered words from his mouth? I need to quit smoking. I need to lose weight. My wife is insane. My life sucks. Waah. Waah. Waah.

He airs his dirty marriage laundry around, in one example literally yelling at his wife on the phone just outside of customer viewing range - but not outside of hearing range. He's moody and not unlike "K", avoids his primary job, helping people, at all times.

This is the story of a backwoods hick
who wished she was a very lovely girl.

"E" completely freaks out at any time that she has to do something by herself, and in retrospect, at anything even mildly stressful. She needs constant back patting, and can't grasp even the simplest concepts.

She's odd, and has taken a step even beyond the un-professionalism active in the store by bringing in and showing off a Playboy mag like a horny teenage boy. That's right, kids, Playboy. Meaning, the kind with naked girls. Did I mention she's heavily involved in a relationship with a guy? To each his own... but... it's still not appropriate to flaunt around work.

"E" has very little femininity whatsoever. She's sloppy, a little dirty, has no clue what makeup is, and is more involved in things like NASCAR to be anything but a guy with boobs. Yet every time "K" comes around, she starts whining about how she broke her nail or how crowded the mall was the one time in her life she'd seen it. It's damn near retarded.

But, ah, such is the life of a temp, right?

I still have the two jobs on the horizon, with a recently huge step in the positive for PSNH. I have another temp job lined up with higher pay, so I can't be that bitter. But in the end, what U.S. Cellular did was wrong. The fact that they'll probably get away with it is sad.

Rant concluded. Feel free to move about the cabin.

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