There must be some kind of way out of here, said the joker to the theif.

My work schedule is Wednesday through Saturday.

Day Off #1. Sunday.
I generally wallow, sleep and sit on my arse. Four days of standing in place for 8 hours has made my feet feel like they've gone through some sort of mashing device.

Day Off #2. Monday.
I'm itching to get out in the world and do something. Monday's are the big spending days. I've been going to the grocery store, the mall, and on one occasion, Boston. Then what do I do? Go home, sit on my arse again, watch TV shows online or chat up the Internet "people".

Day Off #3. Tuesday.
Suddenly, it's Tuesday. This is my last day of freedom, and the day that I have to do everything I've avoided in the previous two days.

Katie, get your hand off your va-j-j. It's unladylike.

My house is flippin' dirty. I need to do laundry. My house is flippin' dirty. I need to pay my landlord, which means that I'm going to take a trip to the nearest bank. And once again, my house needs a cleanin' that I haven't felt real inspiration to do.

The only thing I have wanted to do in the time I've worked this schedule is get out of my apartment or lay around in it like some kind of paraplegic. I'm never in the mood for cleaning, if anything I'm more in the mood to dirty it on down. If you know me, it doesn't sound entirely odd for Katie to procrastinate. Yet I'm starting to feel like this is more of an avoidance. It's in the same rhyme & reason that I've avoided paying my rent. I'm really getting serious about not wanting to be here.

I've been asking myself if the root of it lays in the bills & money issues, the below par work schedule, or the loneliness thing. Sure, it's a combo of all of that... but is it more? Is it Manchester? Is it life in general? Part of me is starting to think that it is.

The idea of escape hits me time and time again, but I've always placed it on the back burner. There are reasons, of course-- fear, self-consciousness, and lack of solid options. In my current status, I feel like I'd be abandoning Ashley, even though I know that she has plenty of options other than me that she might opt for when the time comes.

My next idea is going to be that I propose to Ash that we live here until my lease runs out, and then get a two bedroom in Portsmouth. When, and if, she comes to live here, I'm going to talk to her about my feelings of extreme flight versus fight ambitions.