^^ Hooot Pockets! ^^
I've never really had a Hot Pocket and thought "Wow. I'm really glad I ate that."
I'm always like "I think I'm gonna die." "Did I eat it or rub it on my face?" "My back hurts."
You rarely see the Hot Pocket on a menu when you go out to dinner.
WAITER: For our specials we have a Sea Bass, which is broiled, and we have a Hot Pocket which is cooked in a dirty microwave and it comes with a side of Pepto.
JIM:Is your Hot Pocket cold in the middle?
WAITER: Frozen, but it can be served boiling lava hot.
JIM: Will it burn my mouth?
WAITER: It'll destroy your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month.
There's a vegetarian Hot Pocket, for those of us who don't want to eat meat but would still like diarrhea.
Recently they introduced the 'Breakfast Hot Pocket'. It should be called 'Good morning! You're about to call in sick!'
So now you can have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead for dinner.
That must've been some weird marketing meeting down in France.
FRENCH GUY #1: How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we can sell those idiots water.
FRENCH GUY#2: Now, I know the Americans are pretty dumb, but they're not gonna buy water.
FRENCH GUY#1: (Laughs maniacally) Oh, yes they are! Let's just tell the Americans the water's from France.
I'm always like "I think I'm gonna die." "Did I eat it or rub it on my face?" "My back hurts."
You rarely see the Hot Pocket on a menu when you go out to dinner.
WAITER: For our specials we have a Sea Bass, which is broiled, and we have a Hot Pocket which is cooked in a dirty microwave and it comes with a side of Pepto.
JIM:Is your Hot Pocket cold in the middle?
WAITER: Frozen, but it can be served boiling lava hot.
JIM: Will it burn my mouth?
WAITER: It'll destroy your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month.
There's a vegetarian Hot Pocket, for those of us who don't want to eat meat but would still like diarrhea.
Recently they introduced the 'Breakfast Hot Pocket'. It should be called 'Good morning! You're about to call in sick!'
So now you can have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead for dinner.
^^ Bottled Water^^
I feel kind of silly buying bottled water, maybe I'm too mid western. I'm like "Hey! Hey, ya. I know you can get water free from any faucet, but I want to pay for it. I'm just curious, do you have any air back there? Can I buy your garbage?"That must've been some weird marketing meeting down in France.
FRENCH GUY #1: How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we can sell those idiots water.
FRENCH GUY#2: Now, I know the Americans are pretty dumb, but they're not gonna buy water.
FRENCH GUY#1: (Laughs maniacally) Oh, yes they are! Let's just tell the Americans the water's from France.
^^ Mexican Food^^
My favorite food is Mexican food. I used to work at a Mexican restaurant in Indiana, and that's where you go for Mexican. Mexican food is great, but as a waiter you'd always have to deal with these stupid questions.
GUY: What is Nachos?
JIM: It's a tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Oh. Well, what is a burrito?
JIM: It's a tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Then what's a Tostata?
JIM: Tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Then what's--
JIM: Look! It's all the same! Why don't you just say a Spanish word and I'll bring you something!
Mexican food is great but it's almost like a conspiracy. It's like they had a meeting 200 years ago in Mexico City:
"Hey, look, the reason why I got everyone here is pretty simple. I figured we could rename this entree 7 times and sell it to the North Americans. The French said it would be a good idea."
GUY: What is Nachos?
JIM: It's a tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Oh. Well, what is a burrito?
JIM: It's a tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Then what's a Tostata?
JIM: Tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables.
GUY: Then what's--
JIM: Look! It's all the same! Why don't you just say a Spanish word and I'll bring you something!
Mexican food is great but it's almost like a conspiracy. It's like they had a meeting 200 years ago in Mexico City:
"Hey, look, the reason why I got everyone here is pretty simple. I figured we could rename this entree 7 times and sell it to the North Americans. The French said it would be a good idea."
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